Back to School in August?

I teach high school English and we are already back to school.  What the flip!  It is August.  We’re not suppose to be back in the classroom; we’re suppose to be at the beach or swimming in a pool or hanging out with friends and sipping cool refreshing drinks wearing sunblock and large hats.  It is the best part of the summer.  The hottest time of year means NO SCHOOL!

Wrong.  I have already worked my first week of school.  Met over 180 students this week and I am exhausted.

The first week of school the kids are pretty sedate.  I think it’s just because they’re stunned they are being forced to sit in rows and try to stay focused while learning about anything cuz its August.  There are one or two kids in each class that seem like the already hate me.  So I must be doing something right.

Do you want to know why schools all over the United States are beginning in August?  Please select the best answer:

A.  Parents want their children to start school in August.

B.  Students want to start school early.  Some students want to get rid of summer vacation altogether.

C.  Teachers want to start school early and want over 40 students in each class.

D.  School administrators decided it would be better for testing especially for Advanced Placement exams.

*If you selected “D” as your answer you are correct because we all know how important taking tests are in life.   There is probably evidence that proves stealing children’s summer memories away from them and forcing them to sit in classrooms that do not have air conditioning must be not only good for the student but so wonderful for the teacher.  (I know I always learn better when I am sweating and my thighs stick to my chair.)

Only 177 school days to go…

 

A Woman’s Right To Choose Her Own VP

Tim Kaine came out swinging at the DNC and just when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to stand him based on some of his policies he doubled down and did an impression of Donald Trump that showed his chops that surprised America.

I am still undecided.  I don’t know if I will be able to vote for Hillary Clinton but holy smokes the DNC has really raised the bar.  Sorry RNC you were a hate fest and the DNC is bringing America together.

One Donald Trump punchline at a time.

I cannot wait to see Kaine and Pence on the debate stage.  Awkward.

Cleveland RNC New Hit Sitcom

This is my first Republican Convention and it continues to be more than I could have dreamed for.  First, the Republicans have finally come together to all hate Hillary.  I think it was the very first plank of their platform:  Hate Hillary Clinton.  Followed by plank numero dos: Prayer in school.  Number tres: Get rid of all those immigrants!  And ISIS is scary so be scared America.

Laura Ingram was present.  Scott Walker was there with all of his hair.  Donald’s middle son from his second marriage spoke for the first time and seem to really like his father.  No joke.  Former Astronaut Eileen Collins spoke but surprisingly no endorsement for Trump trickled from her tongue.  “This is a chance I could not pass up: we can raise awareness of how the U.S. human space program has slowed over the years,” Collins told Mashable. “My message is meant to NOT be political.”

…So I guess that’s why she attended the Grand Ole Party’s Presidential Convention 2016 and then not endorse El Jefe because she’s not political.  (Surprise!  You just being YOU is a political statement First Female Commander of a Space Shuttle.)

And then there was Ted Cruz who really made a splash.  The crowd booed him and then his wife had to be escorted out of the convention while the Trumps looked very very very hugely disappointed by #LyingTed.

For whatever reason Mrs. Newt (3rd wife by marriage) introduced her husband, Newt Gingrich,  who had to come in and clean up Cruz’s mess.  Newt made me forget Ted’s non-endorsement but scared the living shit out of me cuz the terrorists are coming to get me.

And then to end the evening and pull it altogether for all of us fans of the RNC enter Mike “Mike” Pence.   A huge heaping spoonful of boring.  Yikes.

to be continued…

 

 

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You Like Me, You Really Like Me

The Republican Presidential nominee, Donald Trump, stood silhouetted center stage, then marched to the microphone to announce his wife.  Everyone held their breath.  What was she going to say?  How would she inspire America?  And what would she wear!

Mrs. Melania Trump made a big splash.   Boy oh boy did she.

I loved seeing Melania finally take center stage.  It was like a super model angel from the heavens decided to come down to earth and thought Cleveland’s Republican Convention 2016 deserved a treat and wow.

Melania glided towards Donald.  They almost embraced.  The affection demonstrated confused me.  She looked at him with a gentle look and I wondered how much of this show has been rehearsed.

Evidently not enough.  Melania’s speech had some problems.   More specifically she doesn’t understand it is not proper to use other people’s words without at the very least to credit them.  I’m not saying she’s too pretty, too gorgeous, too attractive to have a brain but jeepers creepers.  The next first lady plagiarized her speech, okay-okay,  parts of her speech.  She took words from Michelle Obama’s Democratic Convention speech.  Egads.  How entitled actually are the Trumps?

So instead of earning an “A” for having poise and charm now she has to earn an “F” for “F’ing up”.  And one cannot help but wonder how the Trump Campaign allowed this to happen?

Maybe that is the worst that will happen.  Maybe Melania’s step-children played a little joke on their stepmother.

Donald Trump Jr. spoke tonight and…

http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2016/07/19/3800113/donald-trump-jrs-speech-also-plagiarized/

PALM BEACH, FL:  Newlyweds Donald Trump Sr. and Melania Trump with Hillary Rodham Clinton and Bill Clinton at their reception held at The Mar-a-Lago Club in January 22, 2005 in Palm Beach, Florida. (Photo by Maring Photography/Getty Images/Contour by Getty Images)

Melania Trump: Unlucky or Lucky

I know things have changed around here. Hillary Clinton looks like she’s making
“HerStory”.  And her GOP rival, Donald Trump is more like a Circus Carnie.
No offense to Circus Carnies.

I’m not proud that I predicted Trump would be the Republican candidate for President.
I have witnesses.  Just when we thought Donald Trump’s fascist racist retorts couldn’t get any worse for Muslims, Mexican, Immigrants…oh my.   (Or should I say, “ay yi yi”?)  Who hasn’t this maniac insulted, bullied or barked at?

If you’re like me sometimes you need a dose of Donald’s wisdom to get you through your day.   Here are some of his quotable quotes that give me strength:

“Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it!
Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.”

See, Donald Trump cares for all of us stupid losers and haters after all. It’s not our fault we’re stupid. Don’t you feel comfort in knowing that.  Recently, Donald told the world,

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”

Trump is not only smart, he has long body parts too. Huh Ladies? I know when I cast my ballot I don’t really care about a politician’s actual position on policies. I look for the candidate with the longest body parts.

But beyond Trump’s intellect and physique he knows exactly what women want.
In his own words:

 “Women you have to treat them like shit.”

Its like he knows me.  And I know I’m not the only one thinking this but every time I see his wife Melania standing by his side I think,  “Oh my god you could have married anyone. Anyone. And you married Trump.   She has sex with him. So lucky. So lucky.”

I guess when Donald Trump says, “Make America Great Again” he means, marry a foreign super model and make an anchor baby.

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Feminists are too Feminist

I recently read that Feminsts are too aggressive. I agree. Just look at all those F’ing feminists shooting their mouths off about stuff like Equal Pay.   Ridiculous.
The Feminist movement has really gotten out of control. Women really BELIEVE they should be able to enjoy the same freedoms as men do.  (Which is weird since we only have vagina.)

I get it. Some women think just because we can bear children —none of which is possible without the steadfast assistance of men’s ejaculate.  See even the miracle of birth we are dependent on sperm a.k.a. Magic Man’s Sauce.

I totally hear you when you say feminists are too aggressive! Why can’t these mouth women be satisfied with the status quo?

I mean how is corporate America able to turn a profit if they actually pay minimum wage workers a livable wage. Yuck. Yucky.  Sure the majority of minimum wage workers are women — which only reveals women are unable of holding positions of authority since they have emotional breakdowns due to their lady parts or just having a bad hair day.
It is absolutely ridiculous to have women even in the work force.  Am I right ladies?
I’m not a scientist but aren’t womens’ brains even smaller than mens’?

Let’s not forget behind every great man is a WEAK WOMAN unable to lead a NATION without crying about being mistreated.

So to all of you aggressive feminists -Why don’t you behave more like pretty Sarah Palin or Ann Coutler or Melania Trump and less like BOSSY Elizabeth Warren and you know who?  Right?  You do know who?

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Filibustering Right Now

You might not be able to tell but I’m “Filibustering” right now in the privacy of my own home.
According to Vocabulary.com: Filibuster-As a verb, filibuster means “to obstruct legislation by talking at great length.”  As a parliamentary tactic, the filibuster dates back to at least the first century B.C.E. The rules of the Roman Senate required that all business must be completed by nightfall, and, on more than one occasion, the senator Cato the Younger spoke until dark to delay a vote. In the Parliament of the United Kingdom, a minister may “talk out” a bill, but his speech must pertain to the bill. In the United States, by contrast, a Senator may forestall action on a bill by speaking on any topic.

Right now Senator Chris Murphy from Connecticut is making his case and we are already three hours and 21 minutes into this filibuster regarding gun control.  The Orlando nightclub murders reminds America that random acts of violence can happen to anyone and just maybe we need to have greater gun control legislation to prevent maniacs from destroying peoples’ lives with the use of “automatic weapons”.

Will the Democrats be successful with their “No fly, No buy” response to gun control or will they be shot down?

 

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Breaking News: Bernie!

President Obama just announced “I’m with Her” which comes as no surprise.

Sander’s conversation today with President Obama “was a friendly conversation…about our future” stated Press Secretary Josh Earnest.  He continued, “Sanders was able to inspire many people” and highlighted how can Obama and Sanders continue to work together to ensure Sander’s supporters will stay connected.  In other words: Will Bernie supporters be able to support Hillary?

Bernie has leverage right now!  He has the ear of the President and the Democratic leadership so what is Bernie’s next move?  He’s definitely going to the convention but will we ever hear him announce, “I’m with her”?  (Which “her”?) Only time will tell.

Senator Bernie Sanders is not a perfect candidate. He does indeed have his shortcomings but he has the vision that is most reflective of a progressive movement.   The dream is  America could be a nation that responds to the needs of the people rather than a country who serves the needs of corporate America.The Sander’s campaign has changed the course of our future.

I know this election is historic since Hillary Clinton is female but let us not forget Jill Stein is a lady woman too.  The race continues.

 

 

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Lit Fest Pasadena

Saturday June 4th Lit Fest Pasadena will be on fire!  The authors and panels looLalo-Alcaraz-bookk fantastic! I will be moderating “Comedy in the Age of Trump” with Lalo Alcaraz the creator of the first nationally syndicated, politically themed Latino daily comic strip, La Cucaracha, seen in scores of newspapers including the Los Angeles Times. He has produced editorial cartoons for the LA Weekly since 1992 and also creates editorial cartoons in English and Spanish for Universal. He is on the faculty at Otis College of Art & Design and is the host of The Pocho Hour of Power on KPFK.

Jimmy-Dore-bookJimmy Dore is the star of several Comedy Central specials, author of the best seller Your Country Is Just Not That Into You, a writer performer for the Off-Broadway hit The Marijuana-Logues, the host of his own weekly radio show in Los Angeles, and on air host for The Young Turks, the largest online news show in the world. His latest effort Sentenced To Live is Jimmy’s most powerful Hour of Stand-Up comedy to date. He effortlessly skewers our corporate media and bought politicians as he holds a mirror up to American culture. Citizen Jimmy is the award-winning one-hour Comedy Central Special that was chosen Best Of 2008 by iTunes, and was named one the the top 5 comedy DVDs of the year by Punchline Magazine. Jimmy’s everyman style and razor-sharp material draws people in and has made him one of fastest rising stars in comedy today.

And maybe a special guest…or two.

http://litfestpasadena.org

Dear Gov. Jerry Brown

I don’t know what to say other than, “Governor Jerry Brown, what happened to you?  Did growing old turn you into the politician you fought so hard against?”

I was on my way to dinner with my husband when Jerry Brown’s name came up.  I had no idea that he endorsed Hillary Clinton.  I didn’t see this coming.  How naive do I feel now?  I feel so betrayed and I guess I know now how Linda Ronstadt felt.

 

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“I learned my lesson, it left a scar.  Now I see how you really are.  You’re no good. You’re no good.  You’re no good.  Baby you’re no good.  I’m gonna say it again.  You’re no good, You’re no good.  Baby you’re no good.”

Adios Senor Brown.  Hola Bernie!