Monthly Archives: October 2013

Lady’s Please Stop!

Hey ladies what’s the big deal about Pro Life anyways?   If you would only pick up a bottle of Bayer aspirin put it between your knees you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty little heads over when or where you’ll be able to get your next abortion.  Maybe you gals need to stop having sexual relations and getting knocked up.   Did you know there has been a growing number of anti-abortion initiatives flooding the nation while you were busy banging some dude you barely knew.

Here is how much your country cares about you and your womb:
*Since 1995, states have passed 755 anti-choice measures.
*Over 1,100 restrictive laws have been been introduced in state legislatures affecting clinics and access to abortion clinics.
*Between 1977 and 2011, abortion providers have been terrorized by 41 bombings, 175 arsons, 100 attempted bombings and arsons, and 656 bomb threats.
*States passed 92 restrictions on abortion services in 2011 – a record number in a single year.
*Just in 2013 the first three months of the year, state legislator introduced 326 measures seeking to restrict access to abortions
*14 states considered proposals to ban abortion altogether prior to viability.
Hello Ladies? These measures actually show the female population of the United States that we care.  We care about your health and we care about your slutty ways which have to come to an end or else.
In Atlanta they are so worried about women of color an Anti – Abortion group mounted a campaign with billboards suggesting that abortion is a cause of African American genocide.  No shit.  It read:  “Black children are an endangered species.” Black Children are an Endangered Species
See they do care for the plight of the African American population; who else are they going to imprison?
The Anti-abortion movement is alive and well.  The attack on women’s health is advancing in states across the country under the guise of “protecting women’s safety”.  I mean who doesn’t want to go through unnecessary transvaginal ultrasounds not just once but twice?  Whose with me?  See they mean you no harm they just want to keep you barefoot and pregnant that way you won’t have time to vote.
Even though most of these policies have been the “brain-child” of men they do have your best interests at heart.  Speaking of hearts take North Carolina for instance even though women in the state already have to overcome several hurdles like before terminating a pregnancy they need to – undergo 24 hour waiting period, participate in a mandatory counseling session and listen to a doctor describe the images resulting from a FORCED ultrasound;  but on the bright side abortions will be allowed if a pregnancy were the result of rape or incest, or to save the life of the mother.  See they do like you.  They really do.

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Some proponents of Pro Choice say, “you don’t walk in a woman’s shoes.  So don’t try to legislate her health decisions.”  I say it depends on the shoes right?

Miserable Today With a Chance of More Misery

I’m definitely miserable today which is weird since the government is up and running.  Sure most of my problems are the first world type like my neighbors yapping dogs or my other neighbor has to park their car in front of my house cuz they’re too lazy to walk five more feet.  Anything to avoid exercising.  (Hm note to self: EXERCISE.)  Oh and then right before I was going to sit down and write I got into an argument with my husband.  You know the kind of argument that I am pretty sure I’m right and he’s pretty darn sure he’s right.  And he refuses to come to the table and negotiate.

I miss being a kid.  The only conflict in my life was how many sheets and blankets would I need to build my next backyard “tent city” and will I have enough rope to make my new make-shift fabric architectural  design sturdy enough?  Instead as a grownup I need to do the dishes, tidy up the house so we don’t live like slobs, put the dishes away, I need to do the laundry and put it away otherwise I will not have any underwear.  That kind of situation can be disastrous if mishandled.  (Or surprisingly fun!)

The lame “To Do List” goes on:  Read my emails promptly, water plants so they don’t die, wash more dishes, clean the toilet, wash another load of laundry, pay some bills and keep my life organized.   Call a plumber, make a doctors appointment, look for eye glasses, call eye doctor to replace eye glasses.  It is all so daunting.   What a drag.  I hate everything.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.  Perhaps a glass of wine and a long puff of pot will do the trick.  I’ll let you know.

Shirley Temple vs Miley Cyrus

Poor “Hannah Montana” has lost her mind and turned into a rebellious young adult superstar that can afford all the bad press she wants.   (Oh to afford bad press even if it mocks fun of my wagging tongue.)  I get that everyone was outraged about “Hannah Montanas” twerking escapade onstage during a music awards extravaganza.  It is pretty incredible what people find outrageous in 2013.  I grew up on Madonna who pranced around in pointy bras to make a point about…pointy bras?

Miley Cyrus comes from show folk and like many show folk there are no rules or boundaries and thats what makes them superstars.  They’re not like mere mortals.  They bare all to the world and we either sing their praises or tweet their foibles.

Isn’t the real problem Miley is no longer a young perky cute girl that appears to be innocent.  Now Miley pretty much puts it all out there for us to see and that bothers a lot of people.  It doesn’t bother me.

I am relieved that when I was becoming a woman all of my most embarrassing moments were not caught on national television.  I’m thankful that my “slutty” ways were not photographed and all over the internet (or do I regret it since I still do not enjoy the life of a overnight celebrity b/c I uploaded a naughty video. Maybe I can look through my families old VHS tapes and see what I can come up with.)

I happened to come across a photograph collection of Miley’s slow demise to skinny wacky chick onstage with odd expressions and of course they are not the most flattering photos but who cares?
So many grown ups have so much to say about this young woman but they’re super cool with everything else going on in our country like um say torture, tapping our phones, government shut down!  I wish everyone who had a problem with Miley actually took a moment to evaluate real life issues that have real life consequences.  Twerking is not at the top of my list.
Look at me I’m twerking!

Isn’t the real problem with a twerking Miley Cyrus is she is no longer the sweet girl we like to think her as.  She is our modern day Shirley Temple all grown up  and embraces her sexuality.  Imagine Shirley Temple taking “selfies” and “twerking”.